that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
