There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
