i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize
