I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
