You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
