My first STD was from a foam party
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
