Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
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Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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