so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
