Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
