Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
