Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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