so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
