woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Mom said you looked used
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I need water and some morals
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
