Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
