Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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