Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
