I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
