If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
