we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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