Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
