I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
