that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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