went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
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