I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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