rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Damn victory sex feels great
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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