i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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