he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
