actually, I'm a sock model
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
