I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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