Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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