I need help removing her.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
