Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
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Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
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I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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