I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
