Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
