All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
