I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
