i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
