Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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