I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
