you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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