Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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