it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
