I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
