No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Sorry my hands just texted you
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
