Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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