Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
