Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Don't EVER smell your tampon
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
