I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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