He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
