Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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