What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
