i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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