i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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