Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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