you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
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I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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