i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
