I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Randomize
