If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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