He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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