I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize