this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
