is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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