Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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