I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
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I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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