Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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