I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
