I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
