Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
