they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
