Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
