their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
